Maybe, I'm Just A Dumb Kid

He's mad. I know.
Or, he is rather disappointed in me.
Again, this feel like a deja vu.
Oh wait, this kind of thing really did happens before.
Back then when I was a secondary student.

That night,
I myself, kept questioning, why did this happen?
Maybe, I'm just a dumb kid.
Sometimes,I feel like I don't really need to ask this.
You should know by yourself already.

Nevertheless,
I have to ask this question.
To kill the heartless senseless me.

People are not born brainless.
Every normal person has cerebrum and cerebellum.
Every normal person has the same 4 lobes of cerebral cortex.
And yet, why have some people gained success, and some gained failure?

It's the matter of everything.
The matter of hardworking and lazy.
The matter of determining and hesitating.
The matter of do you really want it, or you don't give a damn about it.
The matter of everything.

I comforted myself.
I did give my very best.
Still, another thought coming, did you really?

I really don't want to blame the credits taken last semester,
I really don't want to blame the subjects nor the lecturers,
I really don't want to blame the clubs activities.
I really don't want to blame anyone.
No one should ever take the blame.
They don't do anything wrong.

In the end,
It's comforting to just put all the blame,
Back on me.

#edited version. Thanks to Jay Leffew for refinements. :)