Tuesday, May 5, 2015

A Short Story: "The Hidden"


Long ago, in a world called Heirn, flower seeds fell from the sky and scattered all over Heirn. These seeds eventually will grow to become flowers. But, life is not that easy. Some may never grow, some may grow with defects, and some may grow but in an isolated place, where no one cares.

Many of the flowers will have identical features, but only little of them emit special ability. Those kind of special flowers was called “The Hidden”.


One seed fell on an abandoned land near a river. It was quite a long time before a traveler couple, Ren and Rozy, found that seed and bring it back home. Flower seeds were scattered on the world, but it is the people own choice when they found a flower seed whether to take it back home and nurture it until it grow into a flower or just walk away and leave it alone. 

Most people of Heirn dreams to find The Hidden. Once the seed they found grow, they will eventually know whether that seed has a special ability or not. Some people want the flower just to make them happy by looking and watching it grow, but some evil people will want The Hidden for wealth, name, lust and many more evil intentions.

Ren and Rozy named the seed they found on the abandoned land by the name “Reina”. The couple took care of Reina, giving it enough water, enough sunlight, enough nutrients and enough love for it to grow. They also took care of other seeds they found during their travel.


Reina growth was not that bright. It starts really late and growing up to become a rather ordinary flower. But this does not make Ren and Rozy love for Reina fade. They believed Reina will gain its own strength as the years passed to become an individual flower that will make them proud. 

When Reina was big enough, Ren and Rozy moved it to the outside world for it to gain more water, sunlight, nutrients and love. Reina met many people along the way. Sometimes, Reina is surrounded by the bad people, and sometimes Reina is surrounded by the good people. Those people gave Reina something that Ren and Rozy did not give it which is, the reality of Heirn. 

Reina became brighter and brighter every day. Its petals starting to give out beautiful enchanted colors. The realities strengthen Reina.

One day, a woman cried beside Reina. She took a glimpse at Reina, and suddenly, she stops crying. That woman slowly gets up, and whispering to everyone around her, telling that,

Reina is one of The Hidden.” 

Later, everyone found out that Reina ability is, to emit an aura enough to make cries gone, hatred leave, and happiness came. Sometimes, even problems can be solved when meeting Reina. Every person at that town came to Reina whenever they had problems. 

But, one thing they forgot, even though Reina is one of The Hidden; it also has its own limit. With so many problems came to Reina for it to solved, Reina became unstable. The problems town people gave for Reina to solve; became unsolved. Later on, Reina became a flower that make cries came, hatred arrived and happiness gone. 

Reina solved many of other problems, but it seems to never can solve its own problem. Everyone looks up to Reina, everyone expects something good from Reina, but little care about Reina’s well-being and hospitality. They do not realize that Reina actually has a limit because they only saw Reina with beautiful petals and calming aura and believe Reina is strong in its own way.

Reina slowly withering from the inside.

How hilarious is life. 

If Reina was ever a human, I bet Reina is breaking, both emotionally and mentally right now. She will cry her heart out.

Cry because she cannot satisfy everyone,
Cry because of knowing how weak she is for not be able to help everyone,
Cry because she has no further strength to make everyone happy,
Cry because she think she has burdened everyone with their unsolved problems.

If you ever meet the human Reina,
What will be your message to her?

Will it make Reina smile?
Will it make Reina stronger?



The end.


p/s: any comments on the vocabulary, grammatical error or anything else is much appreciated. Thank you.


5 comments:

  1. Overall a fascinating story and a great read. The grammar is good but can be futher improve upon. Certain part of the story uses too much (redundant) commas. For example the first sentence would be better writen as:

    Long ago, in a world called Heirn, flower seeds fell from the sky and scattered all over Heirn's vast land.

    Other example:
    Many of the flowers will have identical features, but only few will show special ability. (No comma after 'but')

    Also, after the first mention of Ren and Rozy, it would be better for the flow of the story to replace 'Ren and Rozy' with 'them' or 'their' depending on the situation. This is to avoid needless repetition. Examples:

    'One seed fell on an abandoned land. It was quite a long time before a couple, Ren and Rozy, found that seed and bring it back home.'

    'But this does not make *their* love for Reina fade.'

    'When Reina was big enough, *they* moved her to the outside world so she could gain more water, sunlight, nutrients and love.'

    wallahualam. I might also be wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wahh aha.
      Thank you so much Syafiq.
      InsyaAllah, I'll take some of your suggested correction, especially the repetition of Ren and Rozy.
      My bad.

      Delete
  2. Mr. Twenty-fifth BamJune 9, 2015 at 11:46 PM

    Hi.
    Mind if I drop my comment here?
    You asked for it anyway :)

    I think it's a good story.
    At first I thought it was just another fantasy story, but when I read it the second time, this story can be related to the reality life.

    So, if I ever meet the human Reina, this will be my message to her:

    Reina, you are a kind girl.
    You have one special ability, and you are happy to use it by helping others in need.
    I know, sooner or later, you'll feel tired by helping a lot of people, and worst, they never asked you how you feel! But, remember, God will be the one to pay all your good deeds.
    I think, being beneficial to other people is one of the most generous act of all.

    And oh, the most important thing is, try to manage your time wisely ;)
    You will have a lot of due dates and things to do, so, manage your time, and do first thing first.
    Then, you will be surprise on how you can entertain others too without failure.

    Last but not least, when you made promise with others, you have to know your own limit and capability. Do not simply agreed to do something, when you already have tonnes of loads on your shoulder. Learn to say no. Yes, we cannot satisfy others all the time. But helping people in need really is a generous act.

    Okay, so that's all from me.

    Sincere,
    Mr. Twenty-fifth Bam

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry for the late reply.

      but, wahhh thank you for your thought.
      amazing how you can interpreted it like that :)

      Delete

Thanks for the comment guys ^^

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